Meet THE STUBBLES
This STUBBLE hales from Williamsburg Brooklyn. The label inside his shirt reads, "Romeo Shank, The incredible three legged man" We poked around a bit to find out what the hell that was all about; what we discovered was mind boggling. What we thought was a third leg is actually his giant you-know-what! Now that's talent! Before he even picks up his bass at rehearsal, he has the thing out in the open air. Scary. It's slightly longer than the bass itself, and it has, err, aaa, well that's enough about his dick...

I was there the day Saint Patrick killed our former-stubble drummer (Squirt) and rose to greatness; Doc, Shank, Squirt and myself (Sonny) were hanging at Doc Holiday's on Avenue A. We were shooting some innocent pool -- you know -- then it happened. The door flies open and this nerdy Catholic-Irish fella storms in with a drumstick in his hand and heads straight for Squirt [a Jew]. He yells, "I am Saint Patrick, and I'm going to ram this drumstick up your faggot jew-ass." And ram it he did! Before you knew it, the stick and most of Saint Patrick's right arm disappeared up Squirt's pants; and as the old skin-beater lye there dying, Saint Patrick declares, "I am the new DRUMMER -- and you are just a bad memory." And that's the story of Saint Patrick, and how he became the drummer of THE STUBBLES.


Meet Doc Stubble. He's the singer and "guitar player." He pretty much sucks on guitar, but he "sings" ok. Doc spends most of his time writing STUBBLE tunes, telling fortunes and getting tattoos. He doesn't have a girlfriend right now because most girls think he has a very foul mouth. One day he plans to meet a nice girl and have a lot of cute babies. But for now, most of his babies end up on the floor in front of him.

Part-timers...
Watch your ass:
This is our piano player Gaythoven. By day he's a grade-school teacher, but to help pay his rent in Chelsea he candidly joins THE STUBBLES by night. Classically trained, this cocksucker is about as talented as they come. He's a real teacher alright. No matter where we take him, there always seems to be a line of young bucks waiting in the wings for a lesson. He really does love his work.
Cheap labor is hard to find:
This is Grandma Stubble; she filled the piano player slot for a while but wouldn't shake her ass the way the fellas wanted it to be shuck -- so they bumped her to part-time tambourine player. Some nerve. She actually had the testicles to say, "I don't shake my ass for anyone who doesn't get it shaking first in the sack."
Management...

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 And my name is Sonny Trust. I'm the manager of the band. Unfortunately the guys wouldn't let me put my picture on the internet because they say I look like a nerd. My job is to make sure the band is watered, feed and in bed before 10 o'clock. Being the manager, I spend most of my time peeling spit balls out of my hair and washing beer off my clothes because these guys are really a bunch of immature jackasses. But hey -- why complain? At least I have a J.O.B.
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